


who are we in these unwanted skins

by TeitoxAkashi



Series: KHR RarePair Week 2020 [2]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Gen, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Kyoko and Tsuna talks about their gender, Me projecting a lil so whoops, No editing we die like byakuran, Only at the end--Sorry Kyoko that you have to suffer in the first half qwq, Platonic Cuddling, Sexuality, its not edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25081462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeitoxAkashi/pseuds/TeitoxAkashi
Summary: Day 5: Rain Day [Roleswap AU| Platonic Cuddles ]Her skin, doesn't felt like her skin sometimes. Some days, it felt right as it should be, comfortable andher, but other days, she felt like she was an impostor, wearing someone else skin, stomping around in a body not hers.Some days, she felt like she was alright, but other days, she felt like she should be another.
Relationships: Sasagawa Kyouko & Sawada Tsunayoshi
Series: KHR RarePair Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814038
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19
Collections: KHR Rare Pair Week 2020





	who are we in these unwanted skins

Her skin, doesn't felt like her skin sometimes. Some days, it felt right as it should be, comfortable and _her_ , but other days, she felt like she was an impostor, wearing someone else skin, stomping around in a body not hers.

Some days, she felt like she was alright, but other days, she felt like she should be another.

And today was the day she felt weird. She—they—stared into the mirror, seeing themselves yet not, so familiar yet so foreign. They pulled at the dress that she would usually love and felt that it doesn't suit them. It made their skin itch and what they wanted to do was to peel it off their burning skin. It made them so uncomfortable, so _aware_ of themselves. Weird. Out of place. They couldn't stand it.

They were aware that they were running late for their date with the other girls, but they couldn't help but stare longer at the mirror and their wardrobe, scanning again and again to see if there was anything that they can change into and let them feel alright. There was suits and all, of course, but they were all rather skin hugging and.... Girly. They felt that changing into anything else that is in their wardrobe wouldn't make them feel any better. It might make them feel worst.

They bit down on their lips hard.

Suddenly, their phone rang--thank god white and neutral, breaking them from their trance and almost panic episode. They hurriedly picked it up from their dressing table and finally— _finally_ —turned away from the mirror.

"Hey! Sorry I got lost track of time. I'm coming over right now!" They turned off the lights and headed out, a mask of comfort in place.

.

The incident was soon forgotten as time passed. She soon returned to herself, distracted by her friends and life in general. It was as though a dream, now that she looked back on it. Like it was just her imagination, that it never existed.

At least, until it hit her again, harder.

They looked around their room, far too pastel, and felt uncomfortable all over. If it wasn't their room, they wouldn't feel anything but _it was_ theirs. They are used to the pinkish orange wallpaper, so that was fine, but the dressing table, the wardrobe, the bed sheets—too pastel. It wasn't the furniture's fault as much as it was theirs, but they were out of their norm that they couldn't actually convince themselves that it was alright. Not to mention that they _still_ couldn't find any clothes relatively suitable for them at the moment.

It was _difficult_.

They closed their eyes and sighed, lips trembling slightly. They would have to buy new clothes. At least, some that can be used when they have moments like this. (Yes, they acknowledged that they felt very weird some days and it just made them annoyed, unworthy and guilty.)

They sat up abruptly.

Picking up their phone and wallet, they checked their money and decided to pull out some more from their drawer that they saved from the previous allowances. Before they went out, they stopped and looked down at their clothes—a knee length shorts and a plain white t-shirt. Pondering for a while longer, they decided to steal Ryohei's hoodie and left.

.

As it was a weekend and they didn't want anyone who recognise them to know what they were doing in the shopping district, they pulled the hood over their head and scanned through all the boutiques. They avoided the normal boutique they frequent—those sells clothes that they didn't really desire at the moment anyway—and looked for more gender neutral or masculine ones.

They paused right in front of one, pretty small and unpopular one, that was probably going under. Which was understandable because those clothes looked old and ugly—if they were targeting young people anyway. But they found that they have a selection of plain shirts, sweaters and black jeans—long and short—that looked nice and acceptable. Not to mention that it was on sales.

Tugging the hood lower, they headed in and started browsing, picking up a few as they go. They didn't want to try it now so they just picked a size larger than they normally wear. It wasn't until they had more about 8 articles in their arm when the shop owner—or they presumed—appeared.

"W-welcome to the Goldmine. H-how can I help you?" Perhaps they were probably too zoned out mentally calculating their money and the cost, they couldn't recognize the voice and mumbled. "It's okay. I'll look through on my own."

Then silence.

Perhaps finally realizing that something was wrong, they looked up just in time for the worker to stutter incredulously. "K-kyoko-chan?"

They flinched so hard that they almost dropped everything on their hand. Their hands trembled as they tried to smile. "A-ah, Tsuna-kun!"

Tsuna tilted his head, blinking. He wasn't as nervous as he was before, and he was curious. And worried. Kyoko's face was pale and fearful, eyes darting anywhere but him. It wasn't like the Kyoko he knew—something was wrong.

"W-what are you doing here?" Kyoko asked first, a little skittish. Tsuna, bless his soul, decided not to question Kyoko (yet) and started complaining. "Well!" He sighed loudly as his shoulder sagged. "Reborn is the reason. He suddenly asked me to tend this run-down shop and tell me to hit a _week's_ target sale in one day!" He grumbled, ruffling his hair roughly.

"Worst, this isn't even his shop! He just—accidentally injured the owner and decided to leave me to clean up his own mess! It was bad enough that no even a fly would come in, how am I going to hit the target!"

If he could, he would've wailed until the whole world could hear.

Somehow, through his rant, Kyoko finally calmed down and laughed. "Well, that's Reborn alright."

"No shit..." Tsuna grumbled under his breath. Seeing that there weren't any other customers and that Kyoko was probably still slightly uncomfortable, he asked. "Do you want to.... Talk inside? You don't have to say anything you don't want though. I can just wrap things up for you while we have some tea."

Kyoko hesitated. They looked down at the pile in their arm and bit their lips. They were caught, and they didn't want to give up on their finding. Not when they finally managed to muster the courage to choose men's clothing. They knew Tsuna wouldn't tell anyone if they didn't want others to know, and that Tsuna wouldn't judge them, but this was a secret they had held for almost their whole life. It wasn't easy for them to finally talk about it.

They looked up and right into Tsuna's brown eyes again, honest and kind. Accepting. And they finally nodded. "Yeah. Why not."

Tsuna smiled and brought them to the back of the shop. Surprisingly, despite its closing down, small and rather cluttered appearance, the storeroom slash employees rest room was clean and comfy. Probably the only place maintained by the owner. There was a small round table, two chairs and one sofa.

At Tsuna's gesture, Kyoko sat on the sofa and placed the pile of clothes beside them, patting it absently while the other moved around the small room rather clumsily to make tea. Setting it down with the cookies he managed to find, Tsuna sighed and plopped onto one of the plastic chairs.

"Thank you for appearing. With you here, I have an excuse for slacking off."

Kyoko laughed awkwardly. They gingerly reached out to the cup of tea—printed with Kero the frog—and sipped it. Surprisingly, it was calming. "I won't save you from Reborn."

"Welp I guess I'll just die."

"I'll help with the burial though."

Tsuna sobbed. "Harsh!" Kyoko chuckled and munched on some cookies, which weren't as delicious as the ones they made (yes, their bakery is the best shut up).

Seeing Kyoko happy at his demise, however, brought relief to Tsuna. The face Kyoko was sporting was similar to the one in the future-that-never-is, and Tsuna had sworn not to do anything that will brought forth that kind of face to his beloved family anymore, even if it wasn't him who cause it. (A part of him just wanted to X-burner everything that hurt his family down to nothing but ashes, but more of him knew that that wasn't possible.)

Tsuna tilted his head and smiled, eyes warm. It almost made Kyoko flinch again, because they felt like they don't deserve receiving kindness from Tsuna. Not since they became friends, not since they rejected Tsuna--they don't feel anything else other than familial love for the new brother they found—and especially not since they were so ungrateful for what they have. (Their clothes, beautiful and lovely, yet revolting in moments like this. Their body, perfectly flawed yet just a skin they wore uncomfortably in times like this.)

They didn't know what was so amazing about them to be accepted by the kindest and sanest person they knew. It made them happy, yet it made them guilty for something that they can't control.

Kyoko shifted uncomfortably, still eating the pastry while thinking about what they should say. It was times like this that they were bad at small talks. Not that they ever were good at it though. "U-um, Tsuna-kun..." They managed to get out, wincing slightly at how high pitched their voice was. God, they wish that they could just control their voice like a machine. They coughed and continued.

"... Please help me keep today's meeting a secret..." They plead, not ready for even the slightest moment to tell anyone else they knew.

Tsuna nodded immediately. Bless his soul, he didn't even ask about what and just took it as everything. "Sure." He smiled, uncharacteristically calm and understanding. "Until you're ready."

Kyoko suddenly has a hunch that the boy, now eighteen, knew what they were hiding.

Kyoko let out a watery smile and muttered, "Thank you."

.

It was emotionally wrecking, that day with Tsuna. Of course, Tsuna held onto his promise and did not speak about it even after he was punished by Reborn for slacking of, or so Kyoko had heard. She was very grateful for that, yet she was very guilty of that.

"I'm sorry, Tsuna-kun. For..." She trailed off as they stood on the roof of Namimori High, third year and graduating with the college entrance exams in the horizon. There were only the two of them, with Tsuna sporting a large bump on his forehead for getting hit by Xanxus who came to visit. (It was already a miracle that Xanxus came to visit, let alone _not_ kill him.)

"Oh, it was nothing." He grinned, as though it never bothered him. That only made her even more guilty. She couldn't hold it any longer--especially not when the previous time marked such a huge scar in her heart. (Not the boutique encounter, but the one time she met Tsuna, Gokudera and Yamamoto outside again, except that her hair was tied into a tight bun and her clothes were the opposite of what she would where. Gokudera and Yamamoto had questioned her from heaven to hell since they were both curious and worried, and it was Tsuna who saved her out of it. It earned Tsuna a lot of troubles, trying to find excuse for her.)

Steeling her heart, she decided to talk about it. Tsuna wouldn't judge her. He never had, and he never will. Nodding to herself and taking a deep breath, she called out. "Tsuna-kun!"

Tsuna jolted, but kept quiet as she started rambling. "T-the thing is, there are days that I don't feel like—like me. Those days I hate the girly stuffs I own, and I hate—hate this body. I hate the world in those days and everything just makes me uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't feel that way and it doesn't make sense but I- I just don't feel like myself.

"I hate the fact that I am a girl then, and I just don't feel like anyone normal. I-" She sobbed, unaware that she had started crying during her vent. "I just wanted to be normal... That's why I tried... Wanted to have clothes that don't make me feel like a girl...

"I know this is selfish of me... I should just accept myself as who I am and appreciate everything I have, but I couldn't help it. I—" She choked. All the pain she harbored, all the guilt and sorrow she bottled, all overflowed out of the small cage she locked them in.

"I-I'm sorry..." She didn't dare to look up, not wanting to see Tsuna's face. She was afraid, afraid that she wouldn't be accepted. If she wasn't, she wouldn't blame Tsuna. Not when the boy remained her friend even after rejecting his feelings for her. (She never understood love other than the one she had with her family.)

Her hands trembled, sweating as she clutched them together tightly. She realized that she was afraid of losing this precious friend of hers.

Tsuna was silent for a long time, and just when she started to regret everything, Tsuna asked. "Can I hold you?"

Kyoko was so surprised by the question and looked up. Something, probably relief, swelled in her as she saw the smile, kind and accepting smile, on Tsuna's face. He reached out to her at her tiny nod, and hugged her tightly. He gently tucked her face onto his shoulder, calming her as he rubbed her head. "Sister mine," Her heart beat in delight at that. "First of all, don't apologize for what you feel.

"Don't apologize for who you are. You are you, you are just fine the way you are." He said softly as he cradled her. "Girl, boy, none, all, it doesn't matter. As long as you remain true to yourself, accept yourself, then it is all alright. I don't mind what you define yourself as, as long as it is not self-depreciation. And I'm sure no one else mind. If anyone does, then you are better off without them."

Kyoko sobbed louder, feeling liberated. "Thank you, Kyoko, for telling me. It must have been hard... I'm sorry that you have to suffer."

Kyoko shook her head, only for him to hush her more. “It’s fine if you aren’t ready to tell others—I’ll keep it a secret between the two of us. Only, you don’t have to hide from me anymore, okay?”

“D-don’t you think it’s… Weird?” Kyoko silently asked, a little afraid.

“Not really.” Tsuna said, then paused for a moment with his lips pursed. He was contemplating whether to tell Kyoko of his own secret. He trusts Kyoko, obviously, but he didn’t know whether it was okay to tell her. In the end, he decided that she was okay to know. He would carry the consequences later.

“… Actually—I’m a pan.” Kyoko blinked in surprise.

“You’re a cooking pan?”

“Wha—no! I mean—I’m pansexual.” Kyoko blinked again, flushing when understanding dawned her. “Oh.” She was glad that she currently had her face on his chest that he couldn’t see how red in shame she was.

“Yeah. But that’s mostly because I’m not really sure of my gender sometimes too… I might be a genderfluid, but I still haven’t properly settled on it yet… Which is why I said pan—because I’m more attracted to males.”

Kyoko jolted out of his arms and looked at him in the eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay to tell me all that?”

Tsuna smiled and shrugged. “Yeah, why not? It’s not exactly a secret actually. I just never told you guys.”

Kyoko was a little unhinged by how carefree Tsuna was with that. She had always been tormented by herself that she couldn’t understand how easily he accepted all that. “I…” Kyoko felt a little stupid and weird.

Tsuna reached out and patted her head. “Hey, I’m fine telling you because I know you will accept me regardless of how I am. I know the others will too. I just haven’t said anything because…” He trailed off before changing the subject. “I know it can be scary, to tell your loved ones who you truly are. After all, who knows how they will react. But Kyoko, we’re your friends— _family_ —we will accept you for who you are, just as how you accepted us for who we are.”

Kyoko nodded as he continued. “You can take your time telling others. Do it whenever you are ready—but remember that we will love you still.”

She teared up a little and nodded again, smiling as she rubbed her eyes. “Yeah—thank you.” She sounded a little choked up, but relief was in her voice. “Thank you, Tsuna-kun.”

Tsuna hugged her again. “Anytime, sister. Anytime.”

If Gokudera and Yamamoto noticed how crumpled Tsuna’s shirt and how puffy Kyoko’s eyes were, they said nothing.

.

“Say, is the person who sexually awakened you Xanxus?”

Tsuna choked on his chips and coughed so hard that he almost dislodged Kyoko, who was lying on top of him reading his manga. They smirked as Tsuna turned red from the sentence (and the chips).

“I knew it.”

“S-cough-stop!”

**Author's Note:**

> I've nothing to say :3c Happy reading. 
> 
> ~~Also yes, I did not edit it so I died like Byakuran COUGH~~
> 
> [I apologize for any grammar, spelling, etc. etc. mistakes]


End file.
